Grief and Loss

May 2014

I’ve spent the weekend here in Kuala Lumpur consumed with the news of a suspected plane crash. How the families of all the people on the plane must be feeling is incomprehensible to myself as I struggle to come to terms with losing my own beloved mother through natural causes this year.

I'm very affected by people feeling grief and loss. Nowhere in my upbringing or our Western Culture were we ‘taught’ how to mourn, or how to accept and understand death. I remember living in Sri Lanka witnessing ‘happy funerals’, where deceased loved ones are sent to their next life with a loud and happy party. Clients, friends, people I know and people I don’t, I think the loss of someone we love is perhaps the hardest challenge that anyone ever has to face, so my heart always goes out to everyone experiencing these emotions. Being a Healer, I’m always looking for natural remedies or solutions to help people feel better from whatever emotional turmoil they are feeling. Maybe we can make all of life’s challenges far worse, or far better, by the way we try view them.

It seems to me that emotional pain always means that I’m not seeing things as my ‘higher self’ or ‘spirit’ sees them. Despair and grief are such negative emotions and serve as a warning sign that my energy is split, divided from my spirit and consciousness, and needing some help before that emotional pain starts to manifest itself in a physical way.

Maybe in theory, death is not a tragedy; it is simply the choice to make a transition from one state of consciousness to another. Yes, separation is hard and maybe I will only know the gift in this parting when I look back in years to come. It would be easier for me if I could choose just to retire or retreat from everyday life and no longer respond to emails - but somehow I have to come to terms with my Mums choice to end her time in this life. For whatever reasons, this lifetime is finished for her.

It’s a bit of a cliché to say that our loved ones will ‘always be with you’, but I believe that they are still very much here, just not embodied any more. Love is an eternal bond, and I only need to think of my Mum with love and she will be here, connecting with me. I only feel able to sense them when I try release the grief, and simply connect with the Love.

Following loss we all may be amazed at how rapidly we can find peace again, once we get our energy flowing and reconnect with our higher selves where nothing is seen as bad or wrong or negative. I can focus on what is wrong or missing - Mums death, and her absence - or I can choose to focus on what is positive. She has gone physically, but she is absolutely fine, and I am still here - and so many good times lie in store for me still, with many other people to love and be loved by.

If I can only look for what is positive in life, and things to be grateful for in each day, and choose to think only of happy memories of my loved one, hopefully I will begin to release the grief. I need to focus on what brings me joy, who I enjoy being with and what dreams I have for the future. I’m trying to be kind to myself, nourishing myself with the things which make me feel soothed and cherished, bathing in Mother Nature's remedies and being with the people I love who help me to be me.

I expect it may take time, maybe a lifetime, but I have no doubt that life is eternal, and that the only reality is Love.


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